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At friends house
Me:so do you have a dog
Friend:oh my family doesn't like dogs
Me:....
Me:my momma said i gotta go home right now immediately

stanaworshiper:

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn

that’s the stuff my best dreams are made out of

(via officialblueshell)

barackobama:

sirlightbulb:

dear god I hope that no one on this website ever tries to run for president

excuse me

(via officialblueshell)

Me:I'm having a virgin Mai Tai
Friend:isn't that just pineapple and orange juice
Me:
Me:*sips drink*
Me:
Me:I came out tonight to have a fun time and I honestly am feeling so attacked right now
kingorb:

NO CHILL

ostracizedpoodle:

Short people are closer to the ground and closer to satan

(via officialblueshell)

doctor:sir we asked you to tape your allergic reactions this is just a video of you skateboarding
me:tell me thats not sick
doctor:haha yeah its pretty fucking sick dude

darrynek:

itshinyu:

darrynek:

why get a job when you can get hit by cars and sue the drivers 

And then you get injured and possibility die? I don’t think so.

get rich or die tryin dont you know the fuckin motto

(Source: panerasexual, via officialblueshell)

sadsk8r:

doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro

(Source: nicenewt, via officialblueshell)

me:so do u like dogs
her:nah they're kinda gross
me:
me:my mama said I gotta come home right now immediately
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